---
date: 2026-03-09T13:14:02-06:00
description: "If we didn't need to distinguish between you and me, we would just be we."
# image: "/images/"
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lastmod: 2026-03-09T17:40:40-06:00
showTableOfContents: false
tags: ["philosophy", "buddhism"]
title: "Discriminating Creates the Other"
type: "post"
draft: false
---

# Why Do We Discriminate?

When I use the term _discriminate_ here, I don't mean specifically prejudice towards another race (the purely social construct). I mean any sort of discriminating. The sort of discerning between me and thee. The identification of yourself against the backdrop of what is before you.

Wishy washy terms aside, lets get real with a fake story:

{{<aside>}}
You meet someone new standing in line at the DMV. Busy day. You don't normally talk to strangers around you (as you were taught, stranger danger!). But this stranger had a t-shirt on of your favorite TV show! You compliment their taste. They agree with your seemingly shared excellent taste in "the classics". So, conversation starts up. First around the show, but then you ask questions about their life, their circumstance. You find you agree more and more with this person. Their politics line up with yours. Their food preferences are eerily similar. They even ask for the sauce to be put on the side instead of the bun like you do! By the time your number gets called by Deb behind counter 7, you have fallen fast. You both exchanged phone numbers (theirs was only 1 digit different from yours), made plans to play Mahjong together (they also just got into it!), and you feel like you just met your soul mate / friend! You soul friend! (that should be a term)
{{<aside/>}}

What started as a stranger ended up being your greatest friend! What prevented you from treating this person as a friend from the start?

Discussing your lives did not change what they were already doing. It did not change their quirks and preferences to align with yours. They were already just so!

So what changed?

## You Don't Trust

I think its a survival instinct we come installed with. Perhaps its bloatware, but it was certainly necessary at some point in our evolution.

Through introspection, I believe you can find the uninstall button. But it takes work.

This stranger in line becomes a wonderful companion because you feel safe with them. You agree with each other after all!

But disagreeing doesn't represent anything dangerous. I think we often feel that way. If someone disagrees with my worldview, then is my worldview wrong?

I remember as a Mormon missionary literally feeling my fight or flight response kick in when I was approached by spiritual "enemies". Ex-members, pagans, other Christians (some would say Mormons aren't, if disagreeing with me here helps you feel better, I encourage you to start from the top), etc.

I wasn't in danger physically. But my body responded nonetheless! Because my brain was so sure if I was proven wrong, my world as I knew it would cease to exist!

## Soul Friends

I think we are our own worst enemies, keeping any ordinary person from appearing as a soul friend.

Sure, not everyone is just like us. In fact, most people aren't like us in the specificity.

But, every person is also just like us. Deeply flawed, unique, with our own baggage and experience and fishing stories and fears of childhood recesses because of Blake Thorne.

We all are alive. We all will die. We all get to grapple with the same forces day to day. We all see the sun and feel the rain.

I don't mean to sound stereotypical here. Really, I challenge you to contemplate this:

> In a very real way, we are all the same.

But our brains want us to live. We have to identify threats. Categorize objects. Remember wrongs and being wronged so we don't get burned. Or worse.

We gossip about the neighbor because in some small way, they pose a threat to us. Our routine.

I wonder how different things would be if we could get over discriminating.