---
date: 2026-03-10T22:10:22-06:00
description: "Communicating is hard. I've realized that we talk to others how we would like to be talked to."
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lastmod: 2026-03-10T22:47:30-06:00
showTableOfContents: false
tags: ["psycology", "communication", "relationships"]
title: "We Talk How We Would Like to Be Talked To"
type: "post"
draft: false
---

# The Value of Contraction

Today I learned what the Platinum Rule is, the Golden Rule's cool older brother.

> Treat others how they would like to be treated.

Nothing wrong with the golden per se. But I think once you have tested out, the platinum is perhaps the next step.

We often assume how we want to be treated is how everyone wants to be treated.

Sure, this may be the case generally, but specifically, not everyone likes to be affirmed the way you do. Not everyone likes the gifts you like, or the holding and consoling the way you like.

[The false consensus effect (Wikipedia)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_consensus_effect) posits that people often overestimate how common their beliefs and views are held by others.

I think our natural state is here. We assume people think like us. This is the cause of a large portion of contention in relationships.

When we become curious however and turn in, magic happens.

## Some Curious Questions to Try

I think everyone at any given moment is doing their best. (I think you could equally say their worst, because I think we just are being).

If any one of us had the brain and memories of another, we would act just like the other.

So, let's cut the assumptions. We really don't know how any other would like to be treated specifically.

Some questions I think you could try asking someone close to you to help you turn in to them:

> "How best could I communicate to you that I'm listening?"

> "How can I best help you when I want to give you aid?"

> "What are some things I could do spontaneously that you would probably always appreciate?"

If you can create a space big enough and safe enough, you might be surprised what comes out.
